So you’re in love with the man of your dreams.  He’s kind, considerate, funny, romantic, a great provider, charming, and a beast in the sack.  In all of his life, he’s never loved a woman the way he loves you.  The two of you want a life time together filled with peace, passion, and positivity.  No problem, right?  Wrong, enter the dreaded baby mama!  You know that ex-girlfriend or ex-wife whom he regards as the “biggest mistake of his life.” 

She’s the one who’s always there, hanging around begging for money (even though he pays child support), nagging for time and accessibility (outside of the court appointed weekends, holidays, and two weeks in the summer).  Every family event, there she is grinning and skinning all up his mama and sister face.  You know darn well she still has feelings for your man and this heffa is killing your vibe so what’s a girl to do?  Here’s a tip, GET OVER IT AND YOURSELF!

Of all of the taboo titles placed on African American women over the past 30 years, “baby mama” has to be right up there with skeezer, skank, hoe and THOT.  No one has been more misunderstood and demonized than she has, no one has ever been her advocate or her voice until now.  I am here to stand up for every woman not only left to deal with the rejection of having the man who fathered her children walk away from the family they started together, but who also struggles with the burden of the negative stigma attached to her. 

I want to expose the world to her point of view.  I want to speak about the virgins who gave their precious bodies to their first loves, presented him with the gift of fatherhood and watched him give his last name to another woman.  The hot girl on campus who quit school because she got pregnant and saw her child’s father move on with the lose girl from her former dormitory.  The wife who had four children trying to give her husband the son he so desperately wanted then lost her shape in the process and lost her husband to a more in shape adversary.  The struggling mother whose child support check was cut in half when her former lover fathered another child. 

As a single mother of three, two fathers, and a total of eight (8) “sister mothers” (kinda like sister wives, but not nearly as cozy) I truly can speak from both sides of the coin and be objective, empathetic, but most of all honest and real.  My eldest daughter is the first born of three (3) children fathered by my ex (9) months apart to the date almost (can’t make this stuff up), mothered by myself and two other women.  I was constantly antagonized and challenged for his affection and the attention of his family.  In a misguided attempt to separate myself from the other two baby mommas, I had a second daughter but one of the other women matched my effort and became his wife. 

Attempts were made by his now ex-wife to replace my girls with her two daughters.  She actually believed that my children and I had become irrelevant in his life and had no reason to be acknowledged by him or his family. Every holiday, family event, or simple visit to grandma’s house was plagued by miserable failed attempts at matching wits with me, over the top grandstanding which grew boring after like 45 seconds, and so much ghetto buffoonery that she would have made a great reality TV star had reality TV existed back in the 90’s.  

Though I had never said a harsh word to her, she made a point of keeping her address and telephone number secret from me, knowing this would in turn keep my daughters out of their lives (Sorry but my babies can’t lay their heads where I can’t call or knock on the door!).  I often found myself scratching my head in confusion asking, “Is this brawd really mad at me and my children simply because we exist?”    

For about four years there was a constant quest for power between her and me.  She was fighting for his heart, I was simply fighting for my kids.  She consumed herself with perceiving me as an adversary and rival, all the while costing both of our children valuable bonding time with their dad and each other. 

My now grown daughters have a very tattered relationship with their dad (and their sisters) due largely to the foolishness interjected and distance created by this female.  Of course, he should have manned up and handled it, but this is about baby mama drama not the deadest of dead beat dads.  I mean, were you really expecting cavalier chivalry from a man who eventually ended up with eight (8) children by six (6) different women!

BTW, in case you were wondering, “Baby Mama #3” and I are famous friends, never had a falling out, and still talk and hang out regularly.  I dealt with her very empathetically and compassionately.  She had no idea what she had gotten herself into.  She, in turn, appreciated me, respected me, and acknowledged my position in his life.  Together we learned the power in our allegiance, as opposed to wasting energy on becoming enemies unnecessarily. 

Today, I am grateful for every up and down as both a mother and a woman in general.  I feel as if I’m so much stronger, more resilient, wise, courageous, and empathetic as a result of every battle.  If you asked any of the other “participants” and onlookers, I am confident they would classify me and my behavior under “Standard Baby Mama Drama” but that has never been motivation, intention, or purpose.  I was thrust into the position of underdog and had to claw my way out!  No one was worried about how their selfish behavior caused pain and suffering for my children, I had to protect mine! 

I hate the term “Baby Mama Drama” because no real mother would engage in such negativity.  It’s never actually about the baby, but always about the mama(s) involved.  Weak minded women turn their focus on each other and the man gets off Scott Free while the children suffer.  The greatest moral I want anyone reading this article to walk away with is that the “baby mama” should not be required to shrink, cower, and kowtow in order to ease the anxiety and insecurities of his current love interest. 

She does not have to be pleased or even cool with the fact that the father of her children left her to go at it alone so he could move on with his life.  If you are a woman who chooses to enter into in any type of relationship with a man who has children from a previous relationship you should realize that there is bound to be a certain amount of resentment and perhaps a bit of jealously.  That’s not her being a bitter bitch, that’s her being human. 

Men, if the relationship is truly over it would help if you would stop confusing your “baby momma” by attempting to get some loving for old time’s sake when you drop off your child support check.  For your children’s sake you must learn to show a certain amount of reverence and affection towards their mother and that includes not vilifying her to justify abandoning her.  Your new love interest can be a princess without turning your ex into a wicked witch. 

4,457 total views, 2 views today