Black women should immediately end our fight for the Black man. Before you get your pitchforks and matches hear me out. The Black community has been so engrossed with the protection, uplifting and advancement of the Black man that it has totally unequivocally neglected the Black woman. We Black women have made the Black man our burden and load. As with all loads they have become heavy and we can’t carry them anymore.
Through slavery, rape, miseducation, ridicule, murder and abandonment Black women have taken it all without a protector. We believed the lie that it is our responsibility to advocate for Black men. We have become addicted to abuse. Abuse is as normal to us as seeing cars on the street.
We entertain, date and marry men who are not providers and protectors. We take on the notion that we are to “be down” for our men. Wait on them while in jail, be loyal above all things, accept their under achievements, ride or die, etc. Tears and pain are just a part of the contract. This is abuse.
This is slavery. Loyalty to a person, institution or idea that is not fulfilling is slavery. We don’t know what fulfillment is because we have never seen it. Struggle Love has become this normal conception that we have embodied. We disregard the good man, because we don’t know that type of species. We embrace hood persona because this is what we do know and what we do know is not fulfilling. It doesn’t raise kings, build empires or provide a lineage to be proud of it enables them to repeat the cycle.
Responsibility and guilt need to be released. It is not your responsibility to be with him if he cannot do what you can do. You are not a bad person because you want more out of life than he will ever be able to give you. The reality is that Black men now require that which mama would call “tough love.” Turning away from Black men until they get it together is the only thing we have not tried to do to help them. Turning away from them and to yourself is a desperate measure but these are desperate times.
It’s our turn for rehab. Check in please.
ZANDRA QUINN -AUTHOR-
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