5 Reasons Divorced Women are Marrying Faster than Single Women
Divorced women are effortlessly finding Husband #2 while single women, with or without children, are having difficulty finding Husband #1. Once women hit the age of 30, the statistics become alarmingly worse. But why is that? What do divorced women have that makes their chances of matrimony greater? Here are the top five reasons why men are making a dash to the aisle faster with repeat offenders.
- Credibility: When a man sees a beautiful, intelligent woman over 30 who hasn’t jumped the broom yet, he thinks one thing, “What’s wrong with her?” If the same exact woman is divorced he thinks, “Man, that guy messed up.” Men want women who other men want. In their minds, they are thinking a single woman must have some flaw that keeps her on the shelf. When this woman has a kid, it just solidifies their thought process. A divorced woman has been a wife and a homemaker, a quality that gives her more credibility in being a good woman. Kind of like the difference in an American Express and a Russell Simmons Rush Card.
- Realistic Expectations: When we were 13, we wanted our dream man to be cute, have a great smile, and a cool bike. Back then, my dream man was O’Dog from Menace to Society (don’t judge me). At 21, my list became a little more fitting (but not too much better, I admit again). Now, after a divorce, the list is short and essential. Life teaches a divorced woman the real qualities that make a great husband. There is no better teacher than life experience. The cycle of dating, marriage, and divorce makes a woman wiser on choosing her mate. Categories such as swag, money, and looks don’t weigh so much on the scorecard. It seems a single woman has so much conversation on how to make a relationship work. They go as far as writing books, appearing on TV shows saying they can fix your life, and even going through the ridiculous act of marrying themselves. Therefore, the realistic profile needed to get a good husband is tarnished by the single women’s unrealistic ploys and beliefs about what they think they know about relationships.
- Setting Relationship Goals: When a divorced woman wishes to remarry, she lets her desires be known before the artichoke dip comes to the table. If her date doesn’t have the same relationship goals, she will not waste any more time past the appetizer. How many times have we heard those stories of a woman having to give an ultimatum to her man? Or the old school classic “I’m pregnant. What about our future?” conversation? The luxury of wasting time is just not present for divorced women. She sets her expectations at the gate. No time is spent learning how to “Date Like a Man, Act Like a Lady” or however the title goes. The divorced woman’s mission is clear. She’s sincere, upfront, honest, and open, not just with the man but also with herself.
- On the Job Training: Think about your first job. How nervous you were, unsure even. Now fast-forward two years. You were practically running the restaurant. You knew how to prepare the food, run the drive thru, and count down your register. You were a pro. You learned on the job. Trial and error on how to really support, encourage, love, and believe in a man goes a long way. Knowing how to respond to financial troubles, in-law disagreements, and conflict in general is sharpened by experience. Seeing and feeling the impact of her “on the job training” changes things for men. He’s less apprehensive, nervous, and cautious about employing her as his wife because she has marriage on her résumé.
- New Life: Divorce is like a death. There is something indescribable that occurs when you have to resurrect your life. To breathe new life into your own existence changes you. Divorced women have been through so many hills and valleys that drama will only be a pastime that they watch on TV. She can’t give her attention to things that don’t add value to her new life and new heart. She realizes she can only control herself. She finally understands that concept in its entirety. Her issues are her issues alone and not his to fix. Without actually having these experiences, it is hard for single women to understand. Being a wife can’t be learned because you watch Housewives of the Hood every week.
You can attempt to debate the concrete reasons about why they are what they are. But the results don’t change. Men ARE marrying divorced women drastically faster than single women. Men ARE choosing them knowing they have a blemish on their Marriage Report Card. There is something in the soup that makes that woman with the big D a better choice.
Is my analysis wrong? Am I far off base? Is there a sixth reason I am forgetting? Please share.
Photo by Johari Davis
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October 13, 2013 at 9:39 pm
Very true. There is no substitute for experience. When I man has gotten to the age and time in life that he wants to settle down it is a safer bet that a divorced woman will make a better wife than a woman who hasn’t. The question that as a guy I would caution men to ask themselves is too try to fully understand why her divorce failed to try to know if that was a sign or his mistake!
October 14, 2013 at 7:12 am
AWESOME article.
October 14, 2013 at 7:14 am
Most of the people I know who are still single do seem to have unrealistic expectations, but not just about the opposite sex, I find that a lot of them have unrealistic expectations about a lot of things in life, so that may be a chicken and egg situation.
I do think that your list applies to my situation, though. I was a much better judge of what I needed and not just what I wanted from a man, and though divorced in 08/09, I was happily remarried this May to a person much more well-suited for me.
October 14, 2013 at 10:32 am
Men and women need to understand that experience does not equal lessons learned. When a relationship ends, some people do not relect on the things they did or did not do that contributed to the divorce.
October 14, 2013 at 11:12 am
Really? Thank s for the reasons on why I am unmarried. Its better to be alone that to be married to someone who doesn’t meet your standards.
October 14, 2013 at 3:20 pm
Great read!
October 14, 2013 at 5:25 pm
Wow..Harsh but true. I guess I can say it is more of a safe bet to lean more towards a divorced woman because for me I believe not only does she have the experience of BEING married before BUT she would be more likely to WANT TO make it Right,saying that she already had the “failed” marriage.IJS
October 14, 2013 at 5:30 pm
I think number 1 and 4 stand out the most to me as the true driving force to divorce women being able to get married quicker. Marriage is a big step and for some they want it to be one and done. With that in mind if you have someone who has already been married, then they will already know the in and outs and will have that advantage in helping to make it last.
October 14, 2013 at 6:00 pm
You Hit the nail on the HEAD! I agree! For me personally, I came to the table(unfortunately) with Divorce experience x 2! I have never been in a position where I couldn’t find a good guy to date. Why did I seem to never have any problems? I guess it’s because I spent ALOT of time in marriage counseling & post marriage counseling to try and figure out how I was contributing to the failed marriage(s). On the surface, the failed marriages seemed easy to understand as (in my cases), my spouse(s) were cheating. HOWEVER, it took a lot of self reflecting and counseling education to realize how I may have contributed to how these things can possibly/did happen. I certainly did not want an additional failed marriage thus I truly learned to be a great listener, a better friend, have a more discriminating eye (in my future male choices), and be more humble than ever imaginable & to always ONLY fight the wars and not every single battle!!! Lastly, it’s KEY that we not seem SOOO cocky that we seem intimidating or unapproachable….lets face it ladies, we are in the SOUTH and there’s a gorgeous woman every 5 feet so we must be humble, soft, approachable & lighten up!!!!!
Great Read!
October 14, 2013 at 6:14 pm
Great article. I think it’s true, as a woman ages, she needs to show she has had experiences that have made her who she is. A woman in her late 30’s or 40’s who has never been married or have children are looked upon as if something is wrong with them…BUT you don’t know who you are until that age.
October 14, 2013 at 6:22 pm
Interesting, and some very good and valid points. It took me 7 years to re-marry, but I absolutely made a smarter choice.
Though I do have friends who are divorced, who sound as hopeless as my single friends who have never been married.
October 14, 2013 at 6:45 pm
There is absolutely something to be said about a woman over 30 who has never been married. Every year after that it gets harder and harder. Simply put, they become so engrained in their own lives and themselves, they are often seen as one who has trouble opening up and letting people in. Their goals for their “one day” relationship grows longer and longer as each day passes.
I find No. 5 as the sum of all. The self discovery that one goes through after a painful divorce, is ironically the stepping stone for your new life. It is true that every little thing you once thought mattered, pretty much aren’t as important the next go round. You become stronger, more independent, and you have a little tougher skin.
I think deep down these are the type women men want. They know we’ve been through hell, come out of it, and stand before you confident and willing to do it again.
October 14, 2013 at 8:01 pm
Awesome article. It’s funny that the divorced women at my church are at times happier and the thirst for a man is not the force that drives them. They exude a sense of happiness with their place in life which actually makes them more appealing. Lets be honest most men love the chase. We are natural predators.
October 14, 2013 at 9:26 pm
No offense but I have a God complex when it comes to my wife… I don’t want a woman that’s been married or had someone before me. My wife tells me that I’m the only man she ever slept with and we grew up in the same hood therefore I believe it’s true. She’s very old fashion and she’s all I need and want. I don’t believe In divorce.
October 14, 2013 at 9:27 pm
Summer I have to say my mind is blown on this… You have uncovered data that we as men did not even realize we were doing. For instance there was a girl in HS I liked not soley on looks but personality. Too watch her grow from girl to woman was amazing but when we reconnected and to know she had children put me at ease because I have a child, and that she had been married was even more appealing because I’m like she understands the word partnership. However I tend to ask myself do I wanna deal with the ex’s or baby daddy drama that’s where I have to rethink moving forward…..hmmmmmmm
October 14, 2013 at 9:35 pm
Nice article if I ever get divorced I’m going to find a young woman with no kids.
October 14, 2013 at 9:48 pm
Very informative….#2 through #5 made good sense….But, personally, I do not agree with #1 Credibility….I actually wouldn’t care if she was a divorcee or never jumped the broom before….And I wouldn’t think the divorcee is a good catch because she has been there/done that….Nor would I wonder what was wrong with a lady if she seemingly has it going on but never been married….I would think that she just hasn’t met The One yet and I might be the LUCKY guy….I would have no qualms about being her first….Nor will I have any qualms about being the divorcee’s second….It would all depend on the chemistry between she and I….No other considerations….
October 15, 2013 at 5:52 am
This is a great article. It speaks specifically to an issue that is often thought about but rarely talked about in the black community. Oftentimes divorced women can leave a marriage with a mindset their not good enough and single women can go into relationships stuck on their “television husband” fantasies (TV from back in the day: I don’t know what they’re displaying for the youth today). Anyway, there is much truth to whats been said in this article and something for single black women to ponder. this article points out an important fact that women should be more realistic and upfront about what they want in a relationship.
October 15, 2013 at 7:57 am
It definitely holds true in my case.
October 15, 2013 at 1:30 pm
Wow I totally understand now a mans point of view better. So all the single ladies hitting those forties need to have a one week marriage to help them find Mr. Right.
But I do have to differ on if most women really know what they want after a divorce especially since I see older women still making terrible decisions when it comes to finding a mate.
October 15, 2013 at 2:34 pm
This is just about the stupidest thing I have ever read, especially considering second marriages fail more often than first ones. Proves my point that there are way too many self-proclaimed “experts” today and people desperate for someone other than themselves to believe in. As a happily married lady of almost 20 years, PLEASE hear me when I say that there is NO rule that applies to everyone. None. Live your life for YOU and stop believing nonsense like this!!
October 15, 2013 at 4:48 pm
As a married man… I can see the point of the article. However, and I tell my wife, I am not preparing you to be a great wife for someone else. I don’t need or want to be a guy who has spent years cultivating his wife, for her to perfect it with someone else. Often times, the struggles in marriage are due to the respect one has for their mate. For example, ladies, if you know your man is King minded, meaning a God first, praying, yet has faults, A lot of women buck at the attempts of the man closest to them to cultivate them. By the time the head butting ends and the marriage is over, she realizes, now how to be a better wife for someone else. Sad but true, so yes, I understand why it is happening. I think a lot of these marriages are ending because they are based on lust, and material, so yes she knows how to look for substance now. Also, these men out here preying on another mans wife for the same reasoning as the writer is saying it is happening. A lot of these single men are ruing marriages too, selling the upside to be with them as who they are with, and a lot of women are naive to see it happening until their emotions are wrapped up into another man, causing her to want to divorce. So to end, a lot of married women are ending up with new mates faster because, they are already lined up because they have been pursued.
October 15, 2013 at 10:01 pm
I sort of disagree with what she says about single women. I think the 5 reasons can apply to a woman who has had any really serious relationship experience in general. I’m young, single and moments away from 30, but Ive had some serious life and relationship experience, including a failed engagement and I feel like I am the women she’s describing as divorced due to those experiences. You can get to that place as a woman with or without marriage experience. It’s unfortunate that a man’s perception of what a single woman who’s never been married represents could potentially keep him from finding true love. Men are so simple that way. There are cases of single women who are exactly as she describes. But I have a problem with the generalizations. As a man, why not explore what single means? For me, it means not settling, personal growth, seeking God, patience..
October 16, 2013 at 5:25 am
There are good exsperiences and bad ones. Their are plenty of men that exsperiences lots of failure and this is the men these woman are running from. Since when did we start looking at failure as good exsperience. I am not taken money advise from someone that don’t have money. I am not going to let a doctor work on me that failed to be successful at that same surgery with someone else. The article says her standards changed. What if the standards change again with the new husband? It’s marriage a commitment and not just a feeling? I know people married for 30 years. do you think their standards didn’t change? Do you think they felt the same way about their spouse the entire time ? I would much rather marrie someone who was never married because at lease I’m not bringing more baggage in the relationship. Most of these woman get another divorce after the first one proving my point of standards changing. The only thing you are guaranties to get from a divorced woman is someone with the inability to commit. I know what some of you are saying not all and my situation was different. Maybe so there is always exceptions to any situation. That exception may be you but everyone divorced cant be an exception. I find the one that can see her mistakes in the marriage and not blame the man she choose as the mistake would be the best person to get married again.
October 16, 2013 at 9:14 am
So, I’m single and 29. By your assertion, I need to get married to a loser and get divorced in order to be appealing to guys who are really of substance because at that point, I am perceived as learned and experienced. Well, first why would I want to get divorced to find the right guylater? Why can’t I get him the first time? Second, how the hell can I get divorced if I can’t “seem” to get married in the first place, hence the single designation. What great encouragement this article is to us single, educated, women who aren’t too picky, just want something REAL, are about 30 or more, and feel left behind enough already!
October 16, 2013 at 12:32 pm
Very intriguing and controversial!! I could not have said it better myself. After ending my own 8yr marriage to my high school sweetheart I can honestly say I am a much more desirable woman today. I also know EXACTLY what type of man I am willing to deal with!! Great article Summer!!
October 17, 2013 at 3:28 am
Great article! A lot of good points. It is so true that after life experiences, especially a failed marriage, you do take the time to reflect and learn what went wrong and what you contributed. I married extremely early and divorced and my tolerance level is so different. I don’t spend time with something of no value anymore. The only stigma is there are some people that will judge (some men’s family’s and friends) if you have children or have been married before.
October 17, 2013 at 5:01 am
I agree with a significant portion of the claims here. Divorced women seem ti have dine an evaluation of themselves after time has passed and always seem to say things like ‘I now know better how to be a mate to my spouse’ or ‘I learned a lot about maturity and expectations from both of us’. I rarely if ever hear never married women say anything other than what they expect their man to do for them, or what a “real man” would do. I know I would find a woman with the aforementioned attitude much more worth my attention than a woman trying to tell me both her role…and mine.
October 17, 2013 at 5:31 am
Wow this article was about me I feel the same why I love being drama free and.Have taken lesson from my failed abusive marriage Great Article
October 17, 2013 at 9:07 am
Headline is misleading !People should be focused on getting it right the 1st Goddamn time!!! Did a woman right this piece or what?!!! Did they even consult men, or did they just sit around and piece together this hypothesis themselves?! But people aren’t groomed or marriage anymore, they’re encouraged to casually date until they click with somebody. That has NOTHING to do with the necessary protocols both genders must have mastered when entering a union.
October 17, 2013 at 10:42 am
Very Good read.. I am recently divorced and I can easily identify with this passage. It is very very true….thanks for the reminder that I am not damaged goods….I’m just another man’s treasure,,,,:)
October 17, 2013 at 12:30 pm
Interesting read. I believe there is some validity in the points made here as it relates to the topic presented, but I must also say it paints an unfair, dismal picture of the single woman…divorced is also single!!! While I understand the premise and context of this conversation, I also hear an unconscious undertone that condescends to a confident, single woman. Being unmarried doesn’t necessarily mean unprepared for marriage anymore than being married and divorced means knowing the ropes (some divorced women may have actually been “the problem”). Like I said the content presented is “factual”, but too one sided; it almost sounds like reverse sexism. Men love to divide and conquer, so single women vs divorced women is just another tool in their arsenal…another way to make us implode within the sisterhood.
October 18, 2013 at 12:26 am
You left out the fact that second marriages don’t last as long as first marriages. Hhmm…
Also, who are these men? Are they divorced themselves or never-married? That makes quite a difference in the data
October 18, 2013 at 5:53 pm
Ladies and gentlemen. Do me a favor and take the time to read this article again. Some of your comments do not reflect the essence of the writing. No one is judging you or calling you out on your previous relationships. Thus article is just stating an opinion and that is……wait for it….it is easier for divorced women to remarry…… (Drops the mic)
November 5, 2013 at 11:04 am
Well, I can speak from experience that Divorced (as I am enjoying my 2nd marriage) is the new sexy. The reasons are clear (just as in your article), experience is key. Also, it is very true; over 30 no husband/wife or kids. What is the problem? Not only that, but there is something very sexy about being with a person who had made committed decisions in their lives (even if they did not work out) at least the person made it in the first place. Ladies, it is important that you have your hand complimented in marriage. I have! It is a great feeling.