This article is a rebuttal to all the daily negativity seen on social media in conjunction with love, marriage, and relationships. Love needs an advocate so let’s get straight to it with Elaine’s love laws.
LOVE DOESN’T KEEP SCORE:
There are no perfect people. Not me and not you. People are flawed. Love isn’t about keeping track of their missteps, it’s about extending constant grace and forgiveness to those who mess up. Your mates are humans so they’re going to slip up and you need to accept that. If you think people should get it right on your terms and when you’re ready for them to that’s not love, that’s control, manipulation and selfishness all wrapped up in one neat narcissistic package. Love is intended to be patient and it doesn’t keep record of right and wrong. Modern love is cultural and egotistical and American culture and egos are constantly telling us to walk away from people who aren’t doing things fast enough or on our terms which is why so many people are single or divorced nowadays. Their love is selfish, impatient, and unforgiving.
LUST IS TEMPORARY BUT LOVE IS FOREVER:
A lot of people are in lust and think they are in love. If you first realized you loved him/her after sex you may be in lust. True love has no ending. If you got tired of someone you were with, it wasn’t love. Perhaps it was lust, boredom, loneliness, or desperation but it definitely wasn’t love because love is permanent. It does not wither nor does it change when the wind blows. There’s no problem with people getting tired and walking away. The problem comes when people mistake that for love and then devalue love. If someone tells you they love you, you better ask them, “FOR HOW LONG?” because most peoples’ “love” has an expiration date stamped on it. Let’s stop giving love a bad name simply because we haven’t found it yet or don’t know how it really looks because we’ve never experienced it.
PEOPLE DON’T FALL OUT OF LOVE:
Falling out of love is impossible. Falling out of lust is very possible. As people get comfortable in their relationship, they start looking for things to complain about and that makes both parties unhappy and causes them to fall out of love. What’s the purpose of professing love for someone if you’re always going to critique them and try to change them to your liking? Let them be who they are and relax.
FOCUS ON THE GOOD
Have someone hold up a pencil in front of their face. Now focus on the pencil. See how the face gets blurry? Now focus on their face and watch how it comes into focus and the pencil gets blurry. It’s the same principal in relationships. If you focus on what you do like about them and the positive things in the relationship, you won’t get sick of them. Whatever you choose to focus on is all you’re going to see, consequently, you’ll get more of whatever it is you choose to focus on, so choose to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship/marriage.
Some people are so focused on the negative they honestly feel their mates are doing things to purposely upset them or disrespect them when in reality, they feel that way because that’s all they’ve chosen to focus on. Their mind is so preoccupied with negativity towards their partner to the point of them becoming blind to their good deeds. Your partner is your ally, not your adversary, so give them the benefit of the doubt. Love always seeks to cover and to protect.
BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF FIRST:
Make sure you are happy as an unmarried person before pursuing any type of romantic relationship. It’s hard for people to remain happy and content in a relationship when they weren’t happy alone. They are looking for someone else to make them happy in a relationship. If you’re already happy single, you will still feel happy and euphoric in your relationship because your marital status isn’t determining your happiness, you are.
LOVE THEM THE WAY THEY WANT TO BE LOVED:
A lot of people become frustrated with their partner, and wind up feeling, “unappreciated” simply because they insist on loving their partner the way they want to be loved by someone instead of focusing on how their partner needs to be loved. Listen to what your partner has told you about how they perceive love. If your partner has indicated she would rather spend more time with you then for you to buy her jewelry than put away the Black card, cancel your golf trip and spend time with her. If your partner tells you he would rather stay home on his birthday than go see the Bulls, scalp those tickets get out your apron and give him a birthday to remember. Check your ego and past relationship baggage or success at the door and listen. Most of the times our partner has told us in plain English what it is they need but we insist on doing things our way then get mad when our partner doesn’t appreciate it. Get mad at yourself for not listening and being attentive.
SELF PRESERVATION VS LOVE:
If you fell in love and married a person who is capable of unscrupulous acts such as domestic abuse, cheating, or anything else that would cause division, then you were blinded by lust, fear of being lonely or material concerns. I say this because there are always signs. You may have missed them, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t there. I’m not trying to be insensitive to anyone’s situation, but I refuse to allow people to give love a bad name based off their own bad decisions. Did you ignore how they treat and speak to their parents, siblings, children or co-workers? What about the way they are rude to waitresses or homeless people? Or how about their ex who they cheated on? Did you really think they would treat you that much better? Pay attention to the signs.
LOVE IS SELFLESS:
Love requires trust. It is impossible to fully love someone if you are constantly thinking of yourself first. Love is not self-seeking, it is selfless. If you cannot function properly outside of self-preservation mode, you are not ready to enter into a covenant relationship with anyone. A lot of relationships fail because people are attempting to love someone with the fear of not being loved back, and thus always keeping one foot out the door. Stop it. Unconditional love does exist. If unconditional love can exist in a parent/child relationship, then why can’t it exist in a marriage? Why do we put everyone, and everything before the one person we’ve actually stood before God, and vowed to love until death?
PUT YOUR MATE FIRST:
One key factor to having an everlasting, and trusting relationship with another person is your willingness to put them first by forming an indestructible united front with them. This means that your family, friends, and anyone else you’ve known before your mate knows not to say or do anything disrespectful to your mate without there being some harsh consequences to follow. Remember, love seeks to cover and to protect. Far too often, we give people like our closest friends, parents, and children seniority over our mates simply because we are related to them, or because we’ve known them longer.
Now before anyone yells, “My kids come FIRST!” keep in mind, you’re only choosing to be with someone who is capable of loving both you and your kids unconditionally so essentially your kids will not be neglected or abused in any way by your decision to put your mate first. The two of you are a team. Everyone else is considered an outsider. You will never find unconditional love if you are unwilling or afraid to give it.
NO MORE LOVE BASHING MEMES
Now You’ve been schooled. Stop posting negative things about love on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Go out and fall in love the right way. You have nothing to lose but loneliness and maybe the remote control.
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